Living Under A Cloud

I started this post on March 28. I published it on April 16.
I feel as if I have been living under a cloud. I am still dealing with the murder suicide. I thought it would be over now. My daughter who was and still is dealing with health maintenance issues now is not sure she will graduate in May. My son is well an 18 year old male trying to decide if he will marticulate at a small liberal arts college that really really wants him or at a vanguard African American institution that could care less.

Recently and blogland this is getting tired for me as well, my wife's grandfather died early this week. He was 93 years old. I liked grand-daddy. He was a very interesting man. I think I have spoken of him in the past. He is a two time widower. He has one family that consisted of 1 son, and four daughters including my mother by law. After his wife died another daughter conceived during the marriage was introduced to her siblings.

Later he married another woman the age of his oldest daughter and had a passel of children with her. At least six. After she died the family met another daughter conceived during that marriage.

All the while he was the chief trustee and custodian at his church. Without making any judgments about him, he was who he was, it can be said, his children knew him. He never denied his children and always provided support to his children and their mothers.

The bad part is that I was had a big Easter Sunday planned and could not cancel any plans and the air fares were too high so we drove almost 1500 miles between 2pm CDT Friday and 4 am CDT Sunday with a funeral sandwiched in the middle.

The weather and the traffic conditions were fantastic and satellite radio is a dream come true for the long road trip. But that was ridiculous. However it was important that we were there and I did get to see my daughter and that was worth it all.

I have so missed blogging it seems as if one forms a little family relationship with a group of bloggers. As many of you know I find some of you out of the box. I appreciate your comments and most of all I appreciate how you help us cope.

Oh and by the way. The young man with HIV is doing well, he kind of fell into drugs and alcohol for a moment but he is back and his treatment is going well.

Last but not least...another random conversation.

G: Hello.

Tony is calling. Tony is a man who I thinks wants to be my friend, but he spends a lot of time evaluating you for friendship value. Recently I think we have become friends, he gives me slack now.


T: Hi. Have you heard.

G: No what's going on?

T: Lisa Andrea is pregnant. (Lisa is his 17 year old daughter) I was so hurt and mad at her.

G: Wow, that is rough.

T: I wanted to take her straight to the clinic.

G: Oh really, I thought you were pro life.

T: See that's why you need to preach more about these life issues. You are pro choice aren't you?

G: Pro choice but not necessarily pro abortion. I know that some folks are not equipped for this and since I am not willing to take care of anybody's baby right now I don't feel it right for me to tell somebody else what they have to do.

T: Lisa Andrea is six months pregnant.

G: Get out. I saw her last Sunday how could that be?

T: I went out looking for a clinic.

G: Come on at this stage she has to literally give birth to have an abortion.

T: I know. But she's so young.

G: But she has made her choice.

T: When I meet the daddy I'm going to ....

G: Remember how the mothers of the 2 women you got pregnant when they were young felt.

T: Damn you.

G: I love you too.

Because God is to Be Trusted

Yesterday the church was packed to the rafters. Everyone in our town came out Sunday evening for the visitation and even more showed up Monday for the funeral.

It was a sad occasion, sprinkled with moments of laughter and applause. Her four handsome sons heads down, heads up crying on their father's shoulders.

Her 90 year old mother, saying it shouldn't be this way.

This was not an easy day.

The preacher tried to convince us that it is God's desire that our joy be complete. Maybe he succeeded but right now emptiness still reigns.

The next funeral is Thursday. He has been villified in the press but his family showed up in large numbers at the funeral and one professed her love for the victim.

This was not a family feud.

He left a suicide note. I saw it tonight I read it tonight. I cannot write about it yet, because it left me sick.

I Am Mourning

On Tuesday two of my favorite people died. It did not have to happen.

On Tuesday, a man I had a lot of respect for shot and killed his wife of less than three years in their bedroom as he watched their wedding video. His wife has been a friend of my family since we moved to this gloomy place about five years ago.

He later took the same gun that he shot her twice with and killed himself.

They were divorcing. She said he was mentally cruel. He would sneak and do drugs. He would not work. He could get his mind around that fact that America has no love for former felons.

Join the church, believe in God and we still consider you to be a criminal. Yet she at one time perhaps out of loneliness perhaps out of desire fell in love with him.


They married and they appeared to be happy on the outside.

No physical violence until Tuesday.

My heart won't stop crying.

My mind won't stop trying to understand why oh why?

Funerals on Monday and Thursday.

People are taking sides

My heart won't stop crying.

I Love Detroit--& There ain't It can do about it!

I went back to Detroit over the weekend. When I got there they were having ice, it was raw cold and cloudy then raw cold and sunny. The pot holes are still like craters from Mars, the customer service folk still keep it real and freeway construction is always underway.

I love Detroit. It is no joke. I truly love that town. Don't talk about it, and don't try to point out anything bad about it. It's my home town and I love it.

Some fool from East St. Louis, IL of all places tried to tell me that Detroit is a dump.

People from East St. Louis can't say anything about any place on the planet.

Another man from Chicago tried to tell me Detroit politicians were corrupt.

Well he ought to know.

Somebody from Los Angeles told me the weather was better, the women prettier and cars were hotter.

Well I can't argue about the weather but anyone who has ever felt the earth quiver knows a cold snap ain't all bad.

The problem with LA is not all the women are women.

And where the hell did hot cars come from.

No I don't live there now but that's okay cause whenever I meet people from Detroit we always have a good time laughing about the joys of being from a town nobody understands, why you like it.

You know why I love Detroit because I heard somebody trying to impress somebody else say you know my parents are buried in Woodlawn Cemetary. You have heard of Woodlawn that's where Rosa is buried. When the other party asked who is Rosa, the Detroiter, rolled her eyes and turned up her nose and said Rosa Parks--duh the woman they named 12th Street after. I love Detroit.


So what my Northwest flight left 2.5 hours late. It was okay I was still in Detroit and for some reason I was glad about it.


It's topography is flat, it's housing stock dwindling and maybe it doesn't have the romantic flair of some other places, but damnit, it has hosted two super bowls. Don't tell me there ain't something special about my town.

Don't try to convince my mind is made up. God loves Detroit and so do I.