Guidelines on How to Use Racist, Sexist and Homophobic Terms Without Losing Your Gig.

Don Imus lost his gig. Why? Because he failed to follow the basic guidelines for using racist, sexist and homophobic terms without losing your gig.

In my new book, I outline the situations when a caucasian can drop the n-word-a without losing their gigs. I must point out right now a cauasian can never drop the n-word-er in mixed company or with cameras in the room.

First and foremost let me remind all of you that "double standards" exist! Oh yes they do! How do I know? There is a double standard for crimes associated with cocaine and crimes associated with crack.

We can openly discriminated against people of size. We can show pictures of bulging bellies and spongy thighs while we talk about these people making our nation unhealthy and unattractive because of their addictions to sweet and fatty foods.

People feel comfortable telling strangers of size "you really don't need that" or "you need to make better food choices" as they eat their value meal lunches.

It is okay to hire a cute young white girl over a aging white woman because she will be a better team player.

It is okay to not hire middle aged workers who find themselves unemployed as a result of downsizing and label them non performers because they did not stay ahead of the curve.

It's okay to charge drivers who live in a certain part of town with clean driving records higher premiums than drivers with similar records who live in other parts of town.

It's okay to charge people with questionable and insufficient credit outlandish interest rates, and then feign surprise when they can't afford to make the payments.

There are other examples and you can read them in my forthcoming book. However there are times when you need to self regulate your mouth in public especially if you are a person in the media or entertainment business.

For example Isaiah Washington was criticized not for using the f-word-ot, but for calling a specific person who is generally a nice guy who happens to be homosexual, a term that is generally accepted as a slur. Thus if you are not a part of the group you are talking avoid using slurs.

Now if Imus had called the woman who accused the Duke lacrosse players a ho, he would not have lost his job. Why? Because that then pregnant,lying, pole dancing, heifer is a ho even though she is going to college. I keep trying to tell you double standards exist.

Personally most of you would be media types would be advised to follow the example of Rush Limbaugh and others who are much more creative in demeaning others and always couch their jokes in big buck-fifty words. Furthermore don't say you do it because the rappers do it. Unless you are going start walking around with a mouth full of metal, and wear you pants so low you have to hold them up with your hands, you need not use these men as your role models.

Finally you must have a great sensitivity to cultural usage.

Most of you media types really cannot understand that all ho's ain't whores and all whores ain't ho's. And if you don't understand that then don't use ho.

One more thing--remember black people are still very sensitive about their hair. Leave the hair out of the conversation. Imus got fired because he reminded us of what we already know, our hair is nappy. Don't talk about how ridiculous dark skinned women look with platinum hair. Leave our hair alone. You have been warned.

Go in peace.