Interesting Things Black People Do

My Daughter is Possessed

A woman called me last night.

"Gibs, my daughter is reprobate."

"What?"

"My daughter is the walking biblical definition for reprobate, there is nothing she won't do to torment me."

"Wow."

"Did you ever see the movie "The Exorcist?"

"No, I don't like horror flicks."

"My child is Regan."

"How old is your child again?"

"She's 41."

"She ain't no child, she is a grown ass bout to be old ass woman."

(Laughing) "You right about that. Do you know what that heifer did? She took to the house of the woman my husband was supposed to be having an affair with? Can you imagine a daughter doing that to her mother?"

"June, you were ranting about that crap for months, you probably got on her nerves and she wanted you to do something about it or shut up. I almost did the same thing."

"No it's worse than that. She is trying to destroy me. You know I have bleeding in the brain, diabetes, high blood pressure, and now my knee is acting up. I'm going to have gastric by pass surgery to help me lose some of this fat. She is killing me."

"Look, June, let her go. She is 41 not 14 and she has had two children and those negroes are almost grown. You want to be healed, turn her over to Jesus and stop worrying about her."

"She don't want Jesus in her life. In fact I was trying to pray with her and she said 'Fuck that shit.' I almost shot that heifer, talkin bout my Jesus."

"Jesus ain't worried bout your daughter talkin' bout him. Girl, don't you believe that God is almighty?"

"Yeah but--"

"Nothing. You always saying you like the woman with the issue of blood, well touch the hem, damnit. we been waiting to see if you can be made whole."

"Gibs, you don't have a lot of compassion."

"See, Junie, you need tough love. So does you daughter now I gotta bounce I want to watch my fourth episode of Law and Order on TNT. See Ya."


My Father Abandoned Us--A Father's Day
Tribute


On Sunday our Pastor, allowed the church school children to give gifts to all the dads in the congregation and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. But then to my horror He gets up and said. Oh I forgot, we need to share tributes to Father. Anybody want to share a tribute to dad?

"Reverend, I would like to have some words."

The Pastor looked a deer caught in the headlights.

"Oh of course Sister Tracy. Please share."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I screamed silently.

"Thank you Reverend. My Father abandoned us when we were little. And because he died before I was 11. And his leaving left us on public aid. But we would see him from time to time, going in and out of other women's houses and playing with other women's children. But he was okay with us because at Christmas time he always sent us a box. In the box were apples and oranges and used socks and panties from the Goodwill. But he was our father and he lived a difficult life like many black men."

"Thank you Sister Tracy."

Every year she gives that same damn tribute and she really brings the day down.

"On that note, let's hear from the choir."