Mixed Up Saturday

Today my mind is a jumbled maze.

First, to my blog buddy and homeboy E, Sarah the literal serial ho is a real person and those conversations are my edited recollections of the events.

Update on Sarah: She went to court and her PD got her a pretty good deal, she will be under supervision for a year and if she manages not to get caught on the stroll for the next 12 months she will only have a disorderly conduct charge on her record.

Right now she her the verdict in her case is awaiting charges pending supervision.

But while that was good news for her it was bad news for me.


Sarah: So what do you think.

G: Go to church and shout on Sunday cuz da Lawd sho made a way fo you.

S: Naw caint go. Football playoffs start Sunday and my new boyfriend wants me to cook snacks for him and some of his friends.

G: Dang Sarah you just used your connection with God to get a good deal from the judge and now you gonna play God like God is tramp.

S: No I am not. God gave me a new boyfriend and I am going to cherish this gift. Men don't like it when you let church get in the way.

G: Hmmmm-

S: Don't be givin me that Hmmmm s**t. You know Gibbs you be a passive agressive n***a someetime. You always trying to be so psychological.

G: Hey that's between you and God.

S: And Gawd knows my heart.

G: Whatever. Hey I got to go.

S: Wait. My PD knows you.

G: How can that be. I don't know anybody like that here.

S: She grew up in Detroit.

G: It's a big town. I'm sure I don't know her.

S: She had a lot of questions about you. B*t*h almost got cussed out.
I ain't yo social secretary.

G: Who is she.

S: Regina Thomas.

G: Is she kind of short, not fat but not skinny and red hair?

S: Yeah, (eyes getting wide) oh hell, you do know her.

G: I had a crush on her in middle school and we were friends in high school.

S: She said she hadn't seen you since your wedding.

G: Man, I saw a picture of her just the other day.

S: Well understand this, I ain't carrying messages back and forth for you. (Pause) Gibbs what the hell did she ever see in you? Cause you ain't much to look at. And I can't imagine "it" being that good. (laughs) She wanted to know how I knew you. I started to tell her that you was my one of my johns. (Laughing)

G: And I would kick your ass from Carbondale to the Wisconsin Dells.

S: Oh ain't we a little testy? No I told her we met through our churches and how you have been a mentor to me. In other words I made you seem very much like a humanitarian. She seems very interested in you. I'm sure you'll come up again.

G: Really--just leave it alone.

S: I bet she's tellin all y'all friends from back in da day, Gibby going with a ho.

G: That is not funny.

S: Yeah it is.

That night I had a nightmare and I woke up in a cold sweat. In my personal horror flick, I get a call from an old friend from the neighborhood. Jackie is one of those brothers I never really liked but somehow he keeps hangin on. Every funeral, every infrequent trip to Detroit, I see Jackie. He is a nosy man a very nosy man.

J: Hey Harold I hear you live near Regina Thomas.

H: Really? Where is she living?

J: Somewhere near Springfield or St. Louis

H: I haven't seen her in a long time. And I haven't seen her around here.

J: Well somebody told me she heard you were seeing one of her clients? When did you and the wife split? I saw y'all together here at your grandpops funeral.

H: Who told you that? And What are you talking about man. We are very much together.

J: Aw s**t man. N***as aint s**t. Carmelita Phillips (the girl in school who was always threatening to beat me up) said she heard you was messing with a ho.

H: What!?!!!

J: Yeah dude you a trick. Somebody said you was caught with one of Regina's clients. And you was on Johns TV or in the newspaper down there.

H: This is incredible.

And with that I woke up in a cold sweat. Now I know why the innocent often look guilty. Man if this was to happen I would never go back to Detroit again. Cause Detroit is nothing but a big country town where there is less than six degrees of separation between everyone. And if this got out I would be known as Harold Gibson--da Trick.

Final Rant of the day--I went to a three hour funeral. Three hours!!! Yeah the brother was a nice man but three hours????