An Indifferent God?

I was reading a blog by summer m.'s partner in crime Saf where she talked about an indifferent God. As I recall it was a term her mother used to describe some religious pundits who tried to explain the events of 9-11. One of the things she said " Whenever something happens that we want, we call it a blessing and thank God. Whenever something happens that we don't want, we call it an opportunity to learn and try not to resent Him. God is responsible for the miracle of birth and the inevitability of death." I guess in many ways that is what we who call ourselves Christians do on a daily basis. We live in the midst of a mystery. We live and we thrive serving a God who has us in suspense, not knowing when God will return, yet promising it could be any second any minute any hour. Yet we are not allowed to sit on our duffs, being good and holy and waiting on the return. We must act out the great commission.

It is the weirdest thing my logical mind ever processes. I think about it all the time. I pray for preachers and teachers who have to live in this messy existence who authentically believe what they preach. Who earnestly are committed to serving one who is the creator of life and one who allows and evens prophesies physical death.

But then again, I do not understand why good things happen to bad people. I do not understand why it rains on the just as well as the unjust. I do not understand why I have to go through some of the challenges I go through or I went through. Yet with every fiber of my being, I do trust in this so called system called Christianity. I know all Christians don't love me or even see me as a brother, yet I find myself trusting God more and more as I grow older.

I used to believe that if you just lived right and did not do anything to harm others then it would be okay. But then I have watched as these same people have suffered through difficulties with their children, children just like mine with 2 parents, middle class, educated parents who did the soccer thing, the boy/girl scout thing, the jack and jill thing the PTO etc. Right now I am feeling not self righteous but blessed that I did not experience that tribulation.

I remember being very angry with God when my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. Why her? She's been a good mother and a good person. Why her? Didn't God know that I needed her? Didn't God know my brother needed her? Well I kept praying that God would miraculously heal her but it did not happen. But something else happened and maybe it's my stretch, but she was helpless. Her greatest fear she remarked is that her son's would have to clean her ass. She never wanted to be unable to care for herself.

After her last release from the hospital she was coming to my house to live in my dining room in hospice. She decided against any further surgeries, because she was okay with dying but not okay with being sick. They brought her home to us on a Saturday afternoon, she played with the grandchildren joked with us and had the worst night of her life. She was sick, and she could not go to the toilet seat without assistance. She told me to go away and let my wife tend to her.

That morning I was supposed to serve at the church but I was going to stay home and she said, you need to go to church. I will be here when you get back.

When I got home, she was on her way home. She was alive when I got home but less than 30 minutes later she was gone. I did not cry but I laughed. I said to myself God answered her prayer. Was God indifferent? I don't think so. Her death was not traumatizing to me but it helped me understand that life is complex, and God is like a mystery and I just can't put it down.

Katrina, Wilma 9-11 Iraq civil unrest, suicide bombers, I can't explain them at all. I don't why they happened or why God allowed it no more than I understand why my mother got lung cancer and she smoked 9 mos. and My mother in law who smokes all the time for over 50 years does not. But like the song writer said It is well with my soul.