What's Up with You and the Crack Addicted?

Last night the wife and the kids cornered me.

After another long day of dealing with the mentally ill, I come home and spend at least an hour on the phone with a couple of substance abusers.

My son the aspiring clergy man actor says to me.

Son: Dad what is up with the substance abusers callin?

G: What do you mean?

S: I mean like are you an AA facilitator or something? Are you someone's sponsor and you forgot to mention that to us?

Daughter on speakerphone: Yeah Daddy last time I was home I was shopping with you and one of your cracked out friends came up and hugged me. It's cool you have a relationship with all kinds of people but we are beginning to worry.

G: Have you all lost your minds?

Wife: Well honey, let me tell you it ain't easy to hear women arrested for hoe-ing say out loud in public how much they looooooooove your husband.

G: Come on it's always how much they love minister gibby not me.

W/S/D: You are Minister Gibson.

G: Yeah but they don't love Harold they love the persona of Minister Gibson.

D: Well dad, we think you need to ease up on the cocaine deriative addicted for a while.

G: You act like I search them out.

W: It is not that you search them out it is that you collect them like stray cats.

G: That's not fair.

W: Okay then why did you bring one to the church and try to make him the musician.

G: He could play.

D: Daddy did you notice that the congregation used to look at him strangely? Why? Because he was noddin on the organ.

S: Hold up in defense of Dad, Jeremiah could play his behind off.

W: Yeah but you made too many early Sunday stops at Value City. You can put on clean clothes but body order does not always respect clean clothes.

D: But mother don't forget about the crackhead who painted the house

S: And the one who tore down that shed and fixed the roof.

G: They work cheap.

W: Honey we love you but we are worried about the direction your life is taking.

G: What can I do?

D: Don't add to the collection.

G: What?

S: Next time you see a crackhead, don't start a conversation.

W: One of the members said since you joined the staff we have more addicts at church than the Salvation Army.

G: Sounds like something to shout about to me.

W/S/D: You still don't get it!!

G: Y'all hard on me. I'm gonna go smoke a dime rock.

W: Just do it outside.

D: He's nuts

S: Just stop Dad. Just Stop.

I taught those high brow black folks to mess with me. Excuse Sarah is calling.