You Can't Help Everybody

For some reason people addicted to crack just seem to love me. Women or men. They can't get enough of talking to me, arguing with me and offering me sex or at least making it plain that the door is open, even when it should be shut tight.

I guess I am a real softie.

I want to help my crack addicted friends but I know in truth there's not much I can do for them except listen every now and then and show them the light but it is up to them to grasp it.

Today my friend Mick called.

M: Gibbs, man I just got out of rehab.

G: Wow you must be setting new records for 21 day rehab visits.

M: Man that's mean. I have only been to rehab 14 times, 15 if you count this one.

G: You've been to rehab 15 times!! How in the f**k does any one go to rehab 15 times.

M: You don't take drugs so you don't understand. But for me rehab is like a bad vacation.

G: You are right I don't get it.

M: I can't explain it to you now.

G: Good, what do you want.

M: Damn whatever happen to being cordial.

G: Okay hello, what do you want?

M: Look I need some money for food until my food stamp card is reloaded.

G: Mike meet Mr. Broke

M: Nigga you keeps money.

G: Because I don't give it away.

M: It's a loan. On Saturday we can go shopping and I can pay for your groceries.

G: Man I ain't hating on food stamps but I don't want to use them until I need to.

M: Well damn can you buy me a pack of cigarettes?

G: Did I introduce you to Mr. Broke yet?

M: I thought you would want to help me with my post rehab man.

G: I did that the last time or have you forgotten?

M: Damn.

G: Skippy.

M: (Laughs) I thought we had a special relationship.

G: What do you mean?

M: I got your back you got mine.

G: Man I am sick of your back. Anyway I got to work.

M: Damn can't you leave your job for a friend.

G: Mike, you beginning to sound like a trifling woman needing a visit from the Dr. of Love.

M: Don't knock it til you tried it.

G: Damn man is it that tight on you?

M: I turned a few tricks for crack in my day. Ain't no biggie.

G: Wow. Good luck watch out for the vice squad.

M: Damn you cold blooded. You would let me turn a trick rather than give me the money.

G: If that is what it takes.

M: Gibbs you ain't s**t

G: Thank you.

M: Whatcha cook tonight?

G: You can eat here but there is still no money, Mr. Broke ain't gone nowhere.

M: But-but...

G: Bye.