Sunday, August 28, 2005

The Mystery of God

I attended a gathering of new seminarians yesterday and one of the speakers gave me an "a-ha" moment when he told the new fresh seminarians to keep the Holy Spirit with them. For no matter how much we try to de-construct and re-construct our faith paradigm there is an element we must never forget to include the move of the spirit.

At first I thought oh that was cop-out. So everything we cannot figure out or we understand just blame it on the Holy Spirit. So as I pray for those affected by Hurricane Katrina, I am asking why? Yet I know there is no real answer, thus the mystery of God, how else can I explain why the eye did not hit New Orleans right on?

I remain ever thankful for all those who have found shelter and comfort or at least shelter during this time. May God bless those in Gulfport, Mobile and so on.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Fecal Mixers

Warning this post contains an extraordinary number of references to that most beloved word in our profane vernacular "s**t" Just be thankful that I am so unskilled that there will be no pictures to view.

This morning I want to launch an attack against a group of individuals who should be on somebody's hitlist.

I am talking about the notorious shit stirrers. Yeah, I said it.

These menaces to society are found everywhere. You got shit stirrers at home. They keep the family in an uproar, whenever there is a peaceful fun family gathering, they got to go remembering. You know, shit stirrers usually begin by saying "remember."

"Remember, when your sister slept with your boyfriend? That was something else."

"Remember when your husband was arrested for soliciting? Did he get some jail time?"

We hate these people because they just won't leave it alone.

They come to you at work, "Man, I can't believe what Jack just said about you, man, he is running your work down."

They come to you at church, "I can't believe how the pastor forgot to call your name, after all you were the assistant to the assistant corresponding secretary."

or "Girl, they ate everybody's green beans but yours, I don't think the kitchen committee likes you."

The problem with shit stirrers is most of the time these punks are smiling in your face all the time.

Undisputed Truth, and "you old as hell if you remember them" (a typical shit stirring remark) in their only hit sang Smiling faces show no traces of the evil that lurks within.

You got shit stirrers at the club, telling you what "somebody" said.

And that's my last point, who the hell is somebody?

If somebody got something to say to me, then let somebody be a man or a woman and tell me themselves.

But noooo- somebody has its own spokesperson

The shit stirrer.

The problem with shit stirring is that anyone can be a shit stirrer, there are casual shit stirrers, chronic shit stirrers and psychotic shit stirrers. There are sexual shit stirrers, and stupid shit stirrers. Shit Stirrers cross all socio-economic lines, they can be rich and poor, black or white, jew or gentile, protestant, catholic and agnostic. Shit stirrers are male and female, straight and gay, fat and skinny. Shit stirrers are punks, politicians, preachers and pundits.

I guarantee that in your circle of acquaintances you know some shit stirrers. You may be an occasional shit stirrer or some of you are serial shit stirrers.

I know some of you are in denial, but in the very breath you protest, you probably stir some shit by announcing that you are not like so-and-so.

And if you read blogs or especially if you write blogs, you know that bloggers are notorious for stirring all kinds of shit.

Now if you are a shit stirrer I have some help for you, "SSA."

You've heard of Overeaters Anonymous, and many of you have attended or need to attend "Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous" well I have found that Shit Stirrers have their own support group.

They will be meeting in your city soon. You know you need to be there. However if you show up, somebody will know and somebody will tell.

So remember the next time somebody says "Hi my name is Harold and it's nice to meet you." What they really are saying is

"Hi, my name is Harold and I am a shit stirrer."

Now go take a shower.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Pro Choice is the only way

Nick Cannon is receiving much love from the pro life movement because of his song Let me live. And without analyzing the maudlin contrived nature of the video I want to examine the bigger issue.

What happened in this video is a woman exercised her right to choose. This is very important, for many women in this circumstance this is an option they can embrace and one where they will excel because they chose it.

Thrusting a child on a woman who is not prepared for the task, doubles the dysfunctional population. If a woman knows that she does not want to bear children and some how ends up pregnant, let her choose what she wishes to do with her body.

And don't tell me nothing about God. Whatever God wants God does. He does not need legislation or court decisions. So if its God plan it will happen, God has the power to intervene in the affairs of humankind, but if this is a free will decision let it be one.

Abortion cannot possibly be an easy thing, it is a difficult decision.

The only way you can be pro life is to be like my friend Kay.

When her cousin wanted to abort her child, because she knew she was not capable of raising the child, Kay said, if you have it I will raise him or her for you.

The cousin said, "Not for me." I don't want to have anything parental to do with this child. Not now and not ever.

The family speculated on this during the pregnancy. Many thinking the cousin would change her mind after the birth.


Three days after giving birth cousin walked out of the hospital and Kay had a baby.

17 years later, Kay is a mama, Cousin is the cousin. No terms are ever used like "birth mother" etc.

Cousin once said I am glad Kay is happy, I am glad Kay's daughter is happy. But if Kay had not taken her she and if I was in control of the situation she would have been aborted. Kay is a good mother to her and I guess that's how God wanted it so God did it.

What about the daughter? She is the happiest girl in the world, her mama and her daddy are wild about her and she's got a great family.

Does she know? Of course. This is real life not the Young and the Restless

Everybody knows the details, everybody lives in the reality.

Pro choice is the only way!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Something that makes you go hmmmm

Televangelist, former Presidential candidate and all around good Christian Pat Robertson, has just called for the United States of America to assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to stop his country from becoming "a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism."

Well by golly ol' Pat says let's knock him off while we have the chance. It's easier to just knock him off than to fight a $200 billion war to get rid of him and his operatives.

Let's call up Mugsy and the guys or those guys who knocked off Tupac and Biggie and send them over there and kill that hispanic plague on the world.

Okay, I made up the last paragraph but everything before the last paragraph is truly attributable to Pat Robertson.

This raises some interesting questions.

First, does Pat's point make any sense, and wtf does he intend to accomplish with this nonsense even higher gas prices?

Second, doesn't this really do a great thing for the cause of Christ. We now advocate the killing of those who believe differently than we. If they are Muslim extremists are we "Christian" extremists if we behave like them?

Finally, I wish ol Pat would go back to what he does best---

Some one in Tulsa needs gall bladder surgery but its healed in Jesus' name.

Some on in Pasadena, California your eye is healed.

Somebody in Yazoo City Mississippi, your finances are going to be fixed..

Dang visions...are gettin all crazy..

I see some one in Chicago---Fall, Spring, Winter no--Summer, she hurt her knee...but the Lord will heal it..

I see a minister in Oakland...well not really a minister b/c he's gay...he is going to ..form a church that will get on my last nerve in the nations capital...We may have to take him out.

oh...there's a fur wearing ghetto child oh...she's got problems keeping her Midlife mouth in check...God's going to fix that.

Oh...there's this guy...Taylor..always having thoughts of black thinking for black men....Oh hell, what's wrong with me...I see....I see..

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Al and Star Jones Reynolds on the Sunday Sizzle

We are happy to welcome one of television's brightest stars a woman who loves cheap and expensive shoes and her happy hetero husband Mrs. Star Jones Reynolds.

HG: Welcome to the Sunday Sizzle.

SJR: Thanks for having me.

HG: Those shoes don't look like payless to me.

SJR: These are not but rest assured I have some I wear around the house.

HG: Star we're happy to have you hear this morning but what's up.

SJR: (Shedding crocodile tears) Well, to be truthful I'm hurt. I am under attack by certain members of the media. When I was fat, they talked about me. When I did not have a man, they talked me. Now I've slimmed down and these same slime buckets still talking about. I get a wonderful proposal on national television and I have a beautiful wedding and these same sewer dwelling rats say my MAN is gay.

HG: Yeah, that sounds rough.

SJR: But I am a personality so I go with the flow but just like I buy and trash wigs if these m/f's don't get the f**k outta my bizness, I'm gonna have to cut a b**ch or two.

HG: Star calm down baby, it's gonna be alright.

SJR: Naw you don't understand, these clowns make fun of everything I do. I feel betrayed and the only thing I have to console are my adoring fans. They write me all the time, asking me to make their wishes come true. Last year I gave all of my audience cars, Tom Cruise jumped on my couch, they read whatever I tell them, our summer of Faulkner was great and in spite of all of my haters I am still fabulous.

HG: Star, honey, you did not give away cars, Tom Cruise did not jump on your sofa and you don't have a damn book club. Quit trying to be Oprah.

SJR: Halle Berry starred in my made for television movie. What the hell you mean, I 'm not Oprah, YES I AM!

HG: Star. Quit it now. Oh here's Al. Welcome to the sizzle Al.

AR: Thanks man. C'mon baby it's allright. (Star clutches Al tightly) That mean ole Oprah ghost is gone. America, do you see what you are doing to the lady in my life? I want her to stay with me. She is the lady in my life. Star is a brilliant attorney, talk show host and Nubian Princess. Why can't y'all just leave her alone. and leave me alone too.

HG: Does this happen often? This channeling into Oprah thing?

SJR: Miz Celie you tell Harpo to Beat Me? I should have won that damn Oscar.

AR: Lately pretty often, she also does Meredith, Joy, and Barbara Walters. Last night she was Halle Berry in the rape scene from Monster's Ball. She was good.

HG: Wow. How do you get back to reality?

AR: Every night I have to say Star, Lay Back In My Tenderness Let's Make This A Night We Won't Forget. Girl, I Need Your Sweet Caress, Reach Out To A Fantasy Two Hearts In The Beat Of Ecstasy, Come To Me, And I Will Keep You Warm Through The Shadows Of The Night, Let Me Touch You With My Love I Can Make You Feel So Right And Baby Through The Years Even When We're Old And Gray I Will Love You More Each Day 'Cause You Will Always Be The Lady In My Life.

SJR: All y'all abstaining cuz you ain't got nuthin, y'all hear that.

HG: Since you opened that door, Al let's talk about the rumors about your sexuality. Why does everyone question your heterosexuality?

AR: Gibbs it is like this life has a lot of problems and one morning in New York As I, Turn Up The Collar On My Favorite Winter Coat This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
You know, I See The Kids In The Street, With Not Enough To Eat Who Am I, To Be Blind? Pretending Not To See Their Needs A Summer's Disregard, A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul They Follow Each Other On The Wind Ya' Know 'Cause They Got Nowhere To Go That's Why I Want You To Know (Rising from the interview sofa, striking a pose and grabbing his crotch)

HG: (music building in the background) Al, what do you think you are doing...Y'all need some serious help.

AR: (singing) I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place

SJR: (singing background) (If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place)

AR: (singing) Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change

SJR: (background singing) (Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change)

SJR & AR: (Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,Na Nah)

SJR: See Gibbs, me and Al we thinking about being the black version of Sonny and Cher, Peaches and Herb, Marvin and Tammy, Donny and Marie.

HG: Peaches and Herb and Marvin and Tammy were black.

SJR & AR: (ignoring Gibbs) (Star slinging back the weave ala Cher and singing) Babe, I got you Babe, I got you babe

HG: Hell to the Naw fo real.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Forget the Former--Move On

It has been said by men and women on the right and on the left that we (Black people) protest too much about too little and our causes are a reflection of the impotence of black people in dealing with the real issues of life.

And most of the time I say AMEN. However, there is also some power in standing for or against those less than front burner items. One reason to continue to resist loudly and proudly against the flying of the Confederate Flag in public places is because while it may be a part of their history it also serves as a reminder that they intended to keep folk like me in eternal bondage, and it offends my sensibilities as a human and and as a citizen.

Does standing against this icon of a mythic south reduce unemployment, no. Does it increase the availablity of social services no. Does it insure that Black children are not left behind not hardly.

So why shouldn't we just give up and let the proponents of Southern heritage have it their way?

First, giving up on that would lead to giving up on a lot of other issues that are more important. Sometimes these little fights help us to remember the broader issues that affect our every day lives. They remind us that the playing field is far from level and since nobody wants to apologize, damnit, we cannot sit idly by and watch a symbol of oppression fly and not raise our voices in protest.

Second, we want America to move away from the relics of a past that denied our humanity, we cannot allow this country to get caught up in a wistful nostalgia that ignores the oppression endured by our ancestors.

Finally, these fights can and must be used to mobilize us to look ahead to start to drive the agenda instead of the agenda driving us.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

The Sunday Sizzle

Recently Terry McMillan dropped by to chat about her new book the Interruption of Everything.

HG: Terry good to see you again.

TM Gibbs it is always a pleasure to drop in.

HG: New book messed up life. How do you do it?

TM: Well, it helps with book sales. (Laughing)

HG: I bet. I mean come on Terry if Stella's groove did not have a desire for Steve, this new book would die in the water. I mean come on another tale of the dilemma of midlife: an empty nest. Hormones gone wild. Too many irrelevant demands and too little room to breathe. Not much different than Stella although it seems you been influenced by that tall drag queen Tyler Perry with some of these characters.

TM: Tyler Perry is gay and I don't like gay people. My husband just found out he was gay. And I have problems with people who are gay. Gibbs what's up with you I guess you did not like the book. But since you gave hate I must reciprocate. You are probably gay like Winston I mean Jonathan.

HG: No, Hell--(repressing the spirit of Whitney) not at all, but I find it profounding mind numbing that you would put personal hurt on the front page of the newspaper to try to move a dull book. I mean come on Terry the beauty shop set is going to read it anyway. Good, bad or indifferent.

TM: Gibbs, you are usually more gracious but look you are probably an unemployed (Disappering Acts), if not also a philandering (Waiting to Exhale) black man, I got a lifestyle to maintain. My readers need to know that you can be 50 and fabulous (A Day Late and a Dollar Short). They need to know that a lil weave, a lil weight loss and some fabulous makeup will make you desireable. They are women who have accomplished things but I am stuck in that trap.

HG: What trap.

TM: That every woman needs a man to have true worth and true joy.

HG: So how does this personal mess with Winston I mean Jonathan help the book sell more copies.

TM: Well, they will buy this book thinking (cause you know black folks don't read book reviews) that I spill the juice in this book. But no. It's coming in the next book. And by the way, they don't know that just like you buy a dress and wear it to the club and return it the next day, they don't know you can return a book. So they get my latest work, I get my royalties. And trust me this story won't be over until How Stella's Groove went Gay comes out next year. I know my readers and what they want, I have come a long way since "Mama"

HG: Well Terry thanks for keeping it real.

TM: Stay Straight Gibbs.

HG: Do the same Terry do the same.

Friday, August 12, 2005

My Favorite Crackhead

The title is ugly. But in many ways this person I tops my list of crack addicted persons I have known. And for some odd reason I have known more than my share.

Cleza is an admitted crack addict. She is also the mother of two adopted children (yes the state actually allowed this woman to adopt), she's a heterosexual so it's all right.

Cleza has problems maintaining housing. Something about paying rent when crack calls is problematic for her. Cleza used to have a pretty responsible job, she used to be head of her church auxillary. She used to have a husband. She used to have electricity and she even used to have a car.

Cleza is the product of the most dysfunctional family in the world. The father hates and I do mean hates all of his children. The mother is an emotional wreck. The daughters are on crack or crazy and the sons are in jail, on crack, but reproduce like rabbits.

Cleza's children are the products of one her brother's fruitfulness. She got the children because her brother and the mother of the children were criminal crackheads. opps I mean addicts.

Yet despite all of this Cleza is a funny woman. Who else could say I do crack just a lil bit. I am going to ease up on the crack. Who else at 40 plus could get excited at the prospect of having a 24 year old who had been in prison for 10 years.

This chick, I mean woman is a piece of work.

She is too complex to describe, yet in her own community, in her own circle, everybody knows her, and in their own way they love her. Her church family such as it is, won't loan her money, won't turn on her lights, but they love her. They love the children and they give them a sense of humanity because despite all that they are and are not they are in the family of God.

It is the love of these church members, (who ain't always nice) that reminds me that God truly has his eye on the sparrow.

Today Cleza is going to get her lights back on and I'm glad about that.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Just Say Yes

I love the church very, very much and I love church people quite a bit. But sometimes church folk get on my nerves.


Because alot of them have become Crusty Christians.

You know what happens when things get real stale or the skin gets real dry on your head it becomes kinda crusty.

They have become crusty because many of them have become experts at pointing out why they or we can't do something.

Don't ask us, we can't do it.

Don't think about looking over here, go ax so and so or brother whatchamacallit.

Where is the spirit of love and cooperation.

Gone like that manna from heaven.

Well go ahead be crusty, just don't flake on me.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Welcome to the Sunday Sizzle

In deference to those great bloggers such as the renown queen of Chicago the one and only Summer M. I have been called by the great guru of blog to launch a new sunday tabloid blog called Sunday Sizzle.

This new blog is being offered to set the record straight.

Our first story deals with a woman who is near and dear to my heart. Ever since I first heard Saving all My Love for You I have been madly enamored with her talent.

Yes I am speaking of none other than Ms. Whitney Houston-Brown. Ms. Whitney as I love to call her gave me an exclusive interview this past week and during our talk she said that the Being Bobby Brown television show that is so wildly popular on Bravo is not a reality show but a scripted television program in the spirit of Fat Actress and The Comeback.

Ms. Whitney tells me that of course she is not nearly as ghetto as the show implies. She would never utter a term like the infamous "Hell to the Naw" unless it had been scripted.

"People are forgetting that I have made several major motion pictures." said the lovely Ms. Whitney. "I am a musician and an an actress but above all I am a personality." She did admit that some of Mr. Brown's legal problems are at the root of this program.

"Bravo said that they would pay Bobby for acting in his environment. At first I was like hell to the naw, oops I mean no way but when I figured how many blunts, I mean how many rocks, I mean how many stocks we could purchase I guess I said deal."

According to Ms. Whitney the people at Bravo tried to stage a number of ghetto fabulous numbers for the Brown family and according to the audience reaction its a hit.

"Bobby has needed a hit for a long time. I thought I was going to lose my mind if he tried to sing that damn roni song again." But I interjected, Ms. Whitney a few of my colleagues have condemned your choice of hair piece and wardrobe on the show.

"Those are jealous bitches, this is my hair. Damnit. It's all mine. It's on my Visa Bill now."

I asked Ms. Whitney about her reported drug use.

Now Gibson, why would I Whitney Houston do drugs. I am beautiful and rich. It was not an act when I said crack is whack. Now I must leave because I have to get in character to verbally duke it out with that closet dyke Wendy Williams.

"Well have a good time" "Just shut your mouth and remember whitney houston does not due crack because crack is whack.

Thank you Ms. Whitney

Anything Baby

Saturday, August 06, 2005

The Brethren

No this is not a post about the black church. This is a post about another one of John Grisham's formula books which I do not read but they are great company for long car trips.

The Brethren is a little different, there is no court room, there are judges but no jury. As always big brother is watching and watching. But this book was written pre 9/11/01 and it is really prophetic.

It certainly provides fodder to those who believe the Iraqi conflict was contrived to insure Bush's re-election. It certainly supports the notion that Michael Moore raised in his movie that Osama will not be found because we don't really want to find him.

It was not a clean book. Everybody got what they wanted but nobody ended up truly happy and the guilty did not suffer for their sins which disappointed me a lot.

But the what really kept me engrossed for the 6 hours that listened to the book was the fact that collateral damage is viewed as the cost of doing business when America feels under attack.

It was true in the bombing of Japan (Oh well 145000 civilian lives lost--they shouldn't have bombed us)

It was true in Korea, Vietnam and Greneda (We were freeing these people from ideologies we detest, it was for their good.)

It was true in Desert Storm (So what if our smart bombs ain't so smart)

It was true in Afghanistan (We freed the women from the tryanny of the Taliban and we shut down Al-Queda)(yeah right)

and it remains true in Iraq (The Iraqi people are now free! Yippee!)