Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Confession

He walked into the office, his head was down and he lacked the joy normally found in his movements.

"You know when I told the doctor thought I had some stomach problems?"

"Yes," I said remembering that I had encouraged him to seek care after seeing him doubled over in pain.

"Well, he paused, I got HIV."

"Wow." That's all I could say, wow, it seemed so inappropriate yet it was the only word my mouth could pronounce.

"You been a good counselor, I just wanted you to know."

"Okay, so what do you do now."

"Well I'm gonna get me some beers and smoke some joints and take these vir drugs."

"Excuse me, you have a problem with alcohol. Why are you going back there."

"Man I got to escape. I told my peoples and they looked at me funny. They said they would support me and s**t but still they was lookin at me. I could feel them askin 'How'd he get that s**t?'"

"Damn how am I going to tell old girl, I been f**kin? She gonna lose her mind."

"Hold up, you were f**kin a stranger you picked up in grocery store without protection?"

"She was an ole b**ch. She looked clean the house was clean so I said f**k it."

"When are you going to tell her?"

"Right now she thinks I am in Miami, but my mama says she calls everyday."


"What's up with you and this wow s**t."

"Damn, life is funny. Some old chick hooks up with you at the Park and Shop and starts thinkin her ass is Angela Bassett and you Taye Diggs and y'all starring in the low budget bootleg version of How Stella Got Her Groove On."

"Yeah ain't that some s**t."

"Now just like Terry Stupid Ass McMillian she gonna find out that she got more than her ass bargained for."

"Wait a f**kin minute man, I ain't no fag."

"That's not what I mean. Here is a 53 year old woman who got happy when a 30 year old man gives her the time of day and she gives him her goodies, not thinkin bout the consequences just livin in the moment."

"Damn that hoe loved her sum of this."

"You need to tell her."



Sunday, February 26, 2006

The Power of Packaging

Why does packagaing have so much power over us?

I mean it seems like we are very concerned about how things are presented. Our image is everything. I think this is something that transcends racial lines. We focus on the nature of dress and appearance.

We give value to people by the way the speak. (Which is a bogus way to value a person. I know crack addicts well and one of the things they bank on is that non-addicts will be fooled into thinking that they have conquered their addicts because of the way they speak!) I recently ran into a friend who said he could tell I was living well because I was driving a brand new car. (Negro please, you could get one too, $15.99 a day week ends at Hertz!)

We must be more discerning. According to my pastor, the reason we miss our moment and we thus miss our blessings is that we get caught up in the packaging. hmmmmm.

I think that is why we get the politicos we get. Everybody must fit the image and if they ain't apple pie then they get no love from us. Yet we continue to complain that our politicians lack vision, leadership and creativity.

I am ranting today. Thanks for reading.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

What's Up with You and the Crack Addicted?

Last night the wife and the kids cornered me.

After another long day of dealing with the mentally ill, I come home and spend at least an hour on the phone with a couple of substance abusers.

My son the aspiring clergy man actor says to me.

Son: Dad what is up with the substance abusers callin?

G: What do you mean?

S: I mean like are you an AA facilitator or something? Are you someone's sponsor and you forgot to mention that to us?

Daughter on speakerphone: Yeah Daddy last time I was home I was shopping with you and one of your cracked out friends came up and hugged me. It's cool you have a relationship with all kinds of people but we are beginning to worry.

G: Have you all lost your minds?

Wife: Well honey, let me tell you it ain't easy to hear women arrested for hoe-ing say out loud in public how much they looooooooove your husband.

G: Come on it's always how much they love minister gibby not me.

W/S/D: You are Minister Gibson.

G: Yeah but they don't love Harold they love the persona of Minister Gibson.

D: Well dad, we think you need to ease up on the cocaine deriative addicted for a while.

G: You act like I search them out.

W: It is not that you search them out it is that you collect them like stray cats.

G: That's not fair.

W: Okay then why did you bring one to the church and try to make him the musician.

G: He could play.

D: Daddy did you notice that the congregation used to look at him strangely? Why? Because he was noddin on the organ.

S: Hold up in defense of Dad, Jeremiah could play his behind off.

W: Yeah but you made too many early Sunday stops at Value City. You can put on clean clothes but body order does not always respect clean clothes.

D: But mother don't forget about the crackhead who painted the house

S: And the one who tore down that shed and fixed the roof.

G: They work cheap.

W: Honey we love you but we are worried about the direction your life is taking.

G: What can I do?

D: Don't add to the collection.

G: What?

S: Next time you see a crackhead, don't start a conversation.

W: One of the members said since you joined the staff we have more addicts at church than the Salvation Army.

G: Sounds like something to shout about to me.

W/S/D: You still don't get it!!

G: Y'all hard on me. I'm gonna go smoke a dime rock.

W: Just do it outside.

D: He's nuts

S: Just stop Dad. Just Stop.

I taught those high brow black folks to mess with me. Excuse Sarah is calling.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

So Now I Got a Personality Type

You Have A Type A- Personality


You are one of the most balanced people around
Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want
You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you.

When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back
Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love!
You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Thanks Ms. Jessi

Monday, February 20, 2006

I'm Missing Summer

Summer where are you?

I'm losing my mind without your wack writings!

You'd be my muse but your demeanor is too hard for me.

I am beginning to believe you are a white girl who opened a brotha's nose and left him hangin.

Baby please come back I need you

I ain't too proud to beg

Baby come back, you can blame it all on me.
I was wrong and I just can't live without ya.

Summer go ahead piss on Star Jones, Rag on Oprah, Declare open season on Kangay, Messirah and Mrs. Bobby Brown.

I need to laugh again come back baby come back.

(To the tune of Home from the Wiz)
When I think of Sum-mer
I see a chick
who can blog her lez ass off.

I need you Summer. I want you Summer. The sexual harrassment complaint is dropped. the intern pay issue gone. Just come back baby please.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

You Can't Help Everybody

For some reason people addicted to crack just seem to love me. Women or men. They can't get enough of talking to me, arguing with me and offering me sex or at least making it plain that the door is open, even when it should be shut tight.

I guess I am a real softie.

I want to help my crack addicted friends but I know in truth there's not much I can do for them except listen every now and then and show them the light but it is up to them to grasp it.

Today my friend Mick called.

M: Gibbs, man I just got out of rehab.

G: Wow you must be setting new records for 21 day rehab visits.

M: Man that's mean. I have only been to rehab 14 times, 15 if you count this one.

G: You've been to rehab 15 times!! How in the f**k does any one go to rehab 15 times.

M: You don't take drugs so you don't understand. But for me rehab is like a bad vacation.

G: You are right I don't get it.

M: I can't explain it to you now.

G: Good, what do you want.

M: Damn whatever happen to being cordial.

G: Okay hello, what do you want?

M: Look I need some money for food until my food stamp card is reloaded.

G: Mike meet Mr. Broke

M: Nigga you keeps money.

G: Because I don't give it away.

M: It's a loan. On Saturday we can go shopping and I can pay for your groceries.

G: Man I ain't hating on food stamps but I don't want to use them until I need to.

M: Well damn can you buy me a pack of cigarettes?

G: Did I introduce you to Mr. Broke yet?

M: I thought you would want to help me with my post rehab man.

G: I did that the last time or have you forgotten?

M: Damn.

G: Skippy.

M: (Laughs) I thought we had a special relationship.

G: What do you mean?

M: I got your back you got mine.

G: Man I am sick of your back. Anyway I got to work.

M: Damn can't you leave your job for a friend.

G: Mike, you beginning to sound like a trifling woman needing a visit from the Dr. of Love.

M: Don't knock it til you tried it.

G: Damn man is it that tight on you?

M: I turned a few tricks for crack in my day. Ain't no biggie.

G: Wow. Good luck watch out for the vice squad.

M: Damn you cold blooded. You would let me turn a trick rather than give me the money.

G: If that is what it takes.

M: Gibbs you ain't s**t

G: Thank you.

M: Whatcha cook tonight?

G: You can eat here but there is still no money, Mr. Broke ain't gone nowhere.

M: But-but...

G: Bye.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Whatever Happened to Romance

As a young man of the 80's and a child of the 70's, I want to know whatever happened to romance?

Whatever happened to flirting and talking and falling asleep on the phone. Whatever happened to sex being a really really really really big deal?

I guess today we are more liberated than ever and we can sleep with one another just because but I am being delusional or has romance disappeared.

I just met a couple, a nice couple who came into the office to discuss matters of faith and love. How nice a pre marital couple. I thought to myself.

Wrong. This couple had known each other 2.5 weeks and wanted to know how could they tell if it was time for them to shack. 24 days of knowing someone is that enough time to determine if they can be your live in love?

The great thing about this couple is that their honesty was disarming. The conversation began with "our sex is great and we just want to reduce our living costs but we wonder what does this say about our faith?"

I heard many things about they appreciate each other's physical attributes, career aspirations and overall goodness. But not once did I either of them say I want to live with her or him because I love him.

Am I just an old prude or was Tina absolutely right "What Does Love Hafta Do Wtith It?"

Sunday, February 05, 2006

The Storms are Raging

Lately I have been encountering people living in the midst of a storm. I too have been in a storm. I was very concerned about my daughter's health after she was told her tests came back "extremely abnormal."

My daughter is a very special person to me. I also have a son and he's special too but my daughter Lisa helped me understand the power of love at first sight. I have been mad crazy about that girl since I laid eyes on her. She was born 11 months into my marriage and I don't regret that at all. We have a typical daddy daughter bond. No man will ever truly be good enough for my daughter, because they are all human.

Anyway a few years ago she was diagnosed with a condition that requires that she take a certain medication every day for the rest of her life. She lives the normal life of a college senior and we are so looking forward to May's commencement.

When she was home over the holidays we noted that she was having some problems so we arranged for her to see a doctor in her college town.

So we get this news and while she appears non-plussed, I am a nervous wreck. I couldn't sleep because I was so busy trying to help God run my world.

To make a long story not so long, the daughter will be fine and I only added 10 years to my face. But I know now why the disciples woke Jesus up the way they did because when the waves are crashing and you are being tossed and driven, it seems like you gotta wake Jesus up. But the good news is he is already there and he knows your needs and believe it or not he did not need my help. Hallelujah.

Happy Monday everybody.